Holiday Cheer

Me (picking up the phone):  I have a complaint.

Drew:  No! That’s why I’m calling you, to lodge a complaint. But you can go first.

Me:  That stupid vodka ad with Puff Daddy—he says “Happy New Years” at the end. New YEARS. Plural. Doesn’t it seem like someone could have pulled his ghetto ass aside while they were filming to tell him that there’s only one new year coming up? What a moron. Our culture is dead. It’s making me want to break stuff.

Drew:  And that’s on top of that other crap-ass vodka ad where douchebag Vincent Gallo destroys a house while his douchey friend Terry Richardson takes pictures.

Me:  I know, I hate that one even more. Fucking gross.

Drew:  I fucking hate Vincent Gallo.

Me:  Totally. He should marry Puff Daddy and wreck his house.

Drew:  Okay, now me. I’m listening to Air America and there’s a woman on there recommending that husbands buy matching mom and kid pajamas as Christmas gifts. What kind of asshole wants his wife to dress like his kids? And does he ever want to sleep with her after that? The whole thing is disturbing. Are men that dumb that they can’t think of anything better to buy their wives?

Me:  People are stupid.

Drew:  I hate people.

Me:  Yeah, because they’re stupid.

Drew:  We’re so full of hate.

Me:  Yep.

Drew:  Okay, talk to you in a few.

Me:  Bye, baby!

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