I have started and stopped a number of entries over the last year. I keep losing my train of thought, so I’m going to stream of conscious it a bit today and see what comes through.
2023 was quiet for me. My job in music is on half-hiatus; happily I am fortunate to work for a very generous person and have not lost income as a result. I have taken the extra time to work more diligently on this book that I’ve been festering about for years and I am 3/4 of the way through. I’ve got about 80,000 words and I’m still going. I don’t care if anyone reads it once it’s done. I just want to have finished one project in my life, then I will spend the rest of my days playing video games in a spaghetti stained tee shirt.
I have always experienced hibernation and then super social phases, contraction and expansion. The first 17 years of my life were introverted and solitary–music, drawing, reading, writing. I like a quiet existence and it brings me comfort, but there is another side that enjoys action and busts out here and there. I had a therapist who said I have two halves to one whole, one is quiet Mary, the other is Cycle Slut Raff. I have been working to integrate these two parts of me throughout this lifetime.
This has been a long period of hibernation, starting with the onset of covid quarantine. I have enjoyed it–knocking around my apartment, walking the dog, making dinner for Sam, just living peacefully. And I have learned some things in this quiet space that I would like to share with you.
First, all of this talk of 3D to 5D energy finally makes sense to me. For those of you unfamiliar with the concept, many spiritual teachers have been predicting a global shift in consciousness for quite some time. I didn’t get it fully, like what does it mean to move to a new “dimension”? Is that a new world? Is time and space altered? Then I heard someone say that it is not a new dimension so much as it’s a new, higher frequency, a speedier vibration, in which we are using more than just our five senses. It is the frequency of love and intuition that vibrates differently than the more dense energy of struggle and strife that we are accustomed to here on earth, in these bodies.
I can feel lately that there is something deeper taking over the wheel, and many of the worries of the mind are falling away. I’m not saying that I’ve suddenly become this magically blissful spiritual being, but I am at least calmer and less quick to react, which is huge for me. So I’m going to give you what is working for me, what I believe, and you can take it or leave it as you see fit. I’m not trying to sell you on anything.
Humans are in the middle of some real chaos. But we’ve always been in chaos, we just didn’t have the internet to show it to us in 3 minute clips. The upside of seeing it is that it is forcing many to wake up. More people are realizing that if we don’t learn to operate from a place of true understanding, we will continue this cycle of pain and suffering forever.
But what does operating from that place look like? For me, it is about shifting to feeling from the heart-center rather reacting to the noise in my mind. This is hard for me when it comes to people. If I see an animal, any animal, I open up immediately–heart automatically engaged with no effort. I say hi to every dog I pass on the street. Sometimes it’s just under my breath, but it’s there. Often I don’t even notice the person walking the dog. If a rat runs past me, same thing. I don’t get freaked out, I wish them well. I hope their short lives aren’t too hard. I like them all.
People on the other hand, not so much. I have a running monologue in my head when I’m out:
“Look at this dipshit blocking the sidewalk with his giant backpack. I fucking hate backpacks.”
“Did she look in the mirror when she put on that skirt??”
“Move. Move. MOVE!”
It’s constant. I am full of resentment toward the unwashed masses. Much of it is due to the fact that I live in NYC and we’re too mashed up together. But I am and will probably never be a people person. I am not interested in your baby beyond wanting it to be loved and cared for. I hate small talk. I’m uncomfortable around new people. I try to see people as beautiful but they make it so hard with their disposable plastic bottles and sidewalk spitting and constant selfies and shoving their fat asses onto the train without letting anyone off first. I have to catch myself in mid-internal rant and actively work to shift myself. I will find a doorway or a bathroom and shut my eyes and take a few deep breaths in order to get back out there with a renewed effort to cut the judgment and remember that under the personality and body there is the light of a divine soul.
I do this selfishly. I am determined to raise my frequency because it moves me, and the animals, and the children that ruin everyone’s flights forward. I know through experience that the more centered and loving I am, the happier I am. Then after that, I can feel that my energy radiates outward and can shift things either up or down for others. Like if I’m feeling shitty and react or speak in a way that makes someone else feel shitty, that will pass from them to the next person and outward. And vice versa, if I’m feeling open, I pass that on to the world around me. Those micro-movements can sometimes be the difference between a good day or a bad one for everyone in the vicinity.
I can finally feel that separation is an illusion. We hear that all the time but what does it mean? For me it means that everything we do or say or think ripples outward, infinitely. It informs our lives: what kind of jobs we have, what kind of friends we attract, what kind of abundance comes in. It is ALL connected.
I have been watching videos of people who have died and come back, and though experiences vary, many of them talk of a life review on the other side. We get to feel exactly how we have affected everyone and everything with whom we came into contact, good or bad. This filled me with some dread. There are so many things I absolutely do not want to relive. Bill Burr has a bit about shouting memories down in the shower, which is something I have always done. Like you have to noise it out of your brain. But once I got over the initial life review panic, I thought about the “legacy” that I would like to leave behind, sparking me to think about how my words and actions affect people and the air around me.
I’m trying at least. Here are some practices and mindsets that are working for me that might help you too:
–State your intention:
We have free will, so in order for your guides or angels or whatever to step in and help facilitate, there must be a clear intent on our part. Just state what you want out loud. I use this for everything, like “I choose to have an easy trip”, or “I choose to have a productive discussion.”
You’ll be shocked at how well it works. Not every time, sometimes there might be other factors at play and not having an easy trip might be the catalyst to something your soul wants to experience. But it’s wild that this simple trick smooths out so many roads. And even if you don’t believe in my woo woo stuff, it’s a quick way to set your mind in a positive direction.
–Accept that maybe you’re not supposed to have something:
I heard Carolyn Myss say that one of the largest causes of unhappiness is people wanting what is not theirs. Meaning expecting that if they want to be famous or a billionaire or date some specific person, that it should be within reach and that when it arrives it will make them happy. Our souls make specific plans before we get here, and maybe there’s a reason you’re not supposed to be famous. Maybe it wouldn’t even be good for you in the long run. And maybe you’re jamming up a real destiny that could make you much happier by focusing on the wrong things. Be willing to see things as they are.
–So along those lines, listen to your intuition and go where you are guided.
If roads keep opening up in a new direction, take a baby step toward it. Once you open your mind to a possibility, if it’s supposed to be yours, the path will open up when you look for it.
–Know that you have to clear out the old shit, and that’s not always comfortable.
In order to “upgrade”, we have to release old, dense energy from past trauma, from old beliefs, from vows or promises, in this life and all of our others. This can manifest in depression, in physical ailments that might not fully make sense, in feelings of disconnection and confusion. So give yourself breaks, be gentle with yourself, feel all the feelings. It helps me to imagine the feelings flowing through me and then out the top of my head. Don’t cling to your past stories. Allow yourself to evolve and become someone new.
I believe that we are on the cusp of a mass awakening. I don’t know if it will be in my lifetime, but I can feel it stirring. This will not be a revolution that comes from protesting or voting, although those things are important, but it will be a revolution of the spirit, the inner. Then the outer always follows to reflects the inner. We will reach a time where people look back at all of our violence and shake their heads in disbelief at our caveman ways.
I went through a period of panic attacks over all of the pain in the world. I would wake up in the middle of the night almost unable to breathe, thinking about all of the animal abuse happening in that very moment, and then that would expand to children, and then to everyone suffering in that moment until I felt nothing but hopeless, staring into the void.
Now when those feelings of hopelessness come up, I focus on my breathing and I visualize a light in my heart. I expand the light into my apartment, then out into the world further and further until it envelopes the earth and then heads out into space. I cannot control what is happening in the world, but if my little light shifts consciousness just a tiny bit, it at least feels like I’m doing something positive. It allows me to sleep and exist in this world with some peace.
My mother and many of the teachers I listen to are saying the same thing–that we are here to act as light bearers. We are not necessarily meant to DO the change as to BE the change. Meaning that the act of operating from the frequency of love and awareness in our small daily interactions and thoughts are enough to help move us forward as a whole.
I should add though, that there are people out there that will prey upon your kindness or good will as you work to elevate. The person I wrote about in my last blog is still causing harm to people, and most likely will continue to do so until they die. When we are normal nice people we give the benefit of the doubt, and that can be dangerous when dealing with a not so normal or nice person. Some people are just broken and they often mask evil intent quite deftly. So it feels important to add that working to operate from an open heart doesn’t mean ignoring red flags or putting yourself in harm’s way. Listen to your intuition and protect yourself. If something feels icky, it is icky. As this energy speeds up, the people who have always profited from darkness are ramping up their bad behavior in order to maintain their power and control.
They will not win in the end, but we’re not at the end. We’re in the messy, fucked up, insane, shitty middle where suffering and unfairness abounds. My Great Aunt Nonno used to say, “It’s a great life if you don’t weaken.” That always rang true to me. Being alive isn’t easy. It often sucks. But we’re here and we’ve gotta navigate it.
I am a novice and wiser people out there are handing out the information. But this is what is on my mind right now, and it feels like I have to put it out there in order to be able to move forward with any other topics in this blog.
If you are seeking more information along these lines, there are a number of awesome people out there. These are just a few that I regularly watch, there are hundreds more.
Next Level Soul Podcast – this guy has some very interesting guests speaking on a number of topics: https://www.youtube.com/@NextLevelSoul
Matt Fraser – he is super cute and very good if you are new to these ideas. https://www.youtube.com/@MeetMattFraser
Lee Harris – I find him calming and he gives clear information. https://www.youtube.com/@LeeHarrisEnergy
Eckhart Tolle – he speaks on some very deep levels and he’s one of the OG’s on the topic of soul. https://www.youtube.com/@EckhartTolle
Dolores Cannon – this lady is wild, and goes very deep like Eckhart. https://www.youtube.com/@dolorescannon2012
My mom’s blog. She doesn’t love it when I post it because she feels that seekers will find it on their own and she doesn’t want to get hammered by crazies. But if you’ve read this far, you’re probably okay and could use some of her wisdom. Just don’t send her any weird or angry messages. https://www.onenessofall.com
Much love to you, my friends.
MISS ANTHROPE'S HOUSE OF HIGH DRAMA 