ME: So, the dentist has this computer program where they show you your teeth from every angle – side, below, top, bottom, etc. It’s really cool.

DREW: Wow.

ME: Then he told me they’re going to have to file between a few of my teeth, which is going to be awful.

DREW: Okay.

ME: Then they put these little holder things on certain teeth, white blobs that the braces clip onto. They’re not that cute but whatever.

DREW: Okay.

ME: Then he showed me with the program what my teeth should look like in 7 months. It was so great! It’s still my teeth with chips and imperfections, but the program went click, click, click and they all straightened out, like time lapse. He said that it wasn’t a guarantee and there might be tweaking, but they definitely looked better.

DREW: That’s awesome.

ME: Yes, the only bad thing is the charge that I saw on my card. It’s terrifying, I’m going to be paying it off for years. It’s unbelievable.

DREW: Wow. I just have one question.

ME: What?

DREW: So, is this going to clean your mouth up any? Like is it going to straighten up the mean things that you say as well? Because maybe that’s the problem with your teeth, all the crap going past them on a daily basis.


ME: Your hair looks stupid.

DREW: Aaaand there’s my answer.

Love It To Life

First: Happy birthday a day late, Karl! Your blog rules.

Soooo…I have had the most writerly and rock and roll weekend without actually doing any writing or any rocking.

Friday, which is supposed to be my writing day, found me happily long lunching it with Storm instead. She has been in and out of town for various reasons which I will not divulge publicly, and I am so happy to have her around. Storm is, on top of all her other projects, writing a book, and is already signed to a book deal and under a deadline. It is most helpful to me to have someone I am so close to further along in the process than I currently am, and we talked about words and phrases and our history and although it wasn’t maybe truly productive on my end, it actually 
was, if you know what I mean.

Drew is in Germany at the moment playing drums for Walter Shreifels, so the pets and I are home alone and I had planned on turning Saturday (yesterday) into a writing day. But I just wasn’t feeling it. I will admit here that I spent the entire afternoon watching movies (Tsotsi – so sad but great) and playing Borderlands on the Xbox, with curlers in my hair. I am currently a level 24 Siren with a Firefly class mod, if anyone wants to know. I felt guilty but the idea of writing about my crap just did not appeal.

Then last night I met up with my gorgeous friend Zoe for dinner at the Stanton Social Club. Zoe is a wonderful writer with a fascinating history, and is also working on a book (check her 
HERE). I love her stories and sense of humor and we have been trying to get together for months. We have led different lives but we are both rock chicks close to the same age, so we have lots to talk about. Zoe was very helpful with her thoughts on book proposals and agents, which was something I needed to hear, and we ate a truckload of delicious food (including 3 desserts sent out by her friend the chef) and dished about anyone and everyone. It was fabulous, albeit fattening.

Afterward we moved on to Bowery Ballroom to see my ex and our good friend Jesse Malin play with his new band the St. Marks Social Club. The band was great, it’s a bit edgier and more rock based than he’s been in the past, and we truly enjoyed the show. But of course we stood in the back, away from the fray, and continued to drink and gossip mercilessly the whole time. When we met up with Jesse sometime later he said he saw us standing in the very back yapping. The man always catches my bad behavior. I do pay attention, but I am notorious for watching shows from the back bar.

And then after that we wobbled to Manitoba’s for the after party. Zoe is married to Handsome Dick Manitoba and he was working his ass off because the place was jammed. We ran into Mickey Leigh, who is not at all pleased with me because of my
previous blog in which I questioned some of the intentions pointed in Joey Ramone’s historical direction. I thought I was diplomatic enough but Mickey was not having it, though he did hear me out and I stated some things drunkenly which I will now try to clarify in the light of day.

Joey was my friend and I loved him very much. Without Joey I may not have gotten as far as I did in the music business (for whatever that’s worth) and he was a lovely soul. Although we were not super close on a day to day basis I considered him a good friend and hold his memory dear. I knew him to be a private person and I do question whether what has unfolded since his death would have been his first choice of outcome.

That being said, it was never my intention to hurt anyone with my most decidedly outside assessments, and I fully acknowledge that Mickey is Joey’s brother and has the absolute right to his opinions and to write about their history together, and he certainly knows more than I do about the inner workings of the man. And. I have not read the book and I have prefaced anything I’ve said with that caveat. I may read it at some point; I don’t know if I’m ready to go there just yet. But I am honestly sorry for any damage my opinions may have caused, and I gave Mickey a hug and told him that just because I don’t necessarily agree with everything I’ve heard, it does not mean that I would ever wish him harm or ill will and I am truly sorry to be a source of upset. I respect his position as Joey’s brother and a member of the rock and roll “community”, and it is my firm belief that you can disagree with people and still be friends.

So Mickey, here it is for the record: I apologize for upsetting you with that past blog, and of course am incredibly flattered that anyone pays any attention whatsoever to what I have to say, so with that in mind I promise I will keep my public mouth shut on the subject from here on out.

Lastly, I know this is going to make me out to be more of a wackjob than ever, but since I gave up any pretense towards sanity long ago, here it is: I have had a couple of conversations with Joey since his death and he seems to have a good sense of humor about everything. He is just as generous with his time as ever and will show up to talk whenever I ask it of him, even though I’m sure he has better things to do on the other side. So whatever emotional opinions people may have towards his legacy, don’t worry about Joey, he’s doing great.

It’s a rock and roll life and I’m grateful for every single, stupid second of it. 

Still Thinking About It…

As mentioned in the previous coupla blogs, I’ve been having a lot of email conversations with my mom lately about energy. One of the things she has mentioned to me is that people who are addicted to drugs or alcohol can open themselves up to lower energies, which can, in some cases, take over.

I don’t often get into conversations about this, primarily because I have no expertise on the subject, and secondly because I don’t really want to talk to people about “entities” or that kind of thing. It gets into weird territory and it can be interpreted in strange ways. And I don’t want to shoot my mouth off and propagate any untruth.

I do want to tell you a couple of tales though, because I got to see it in action recently, and I don’t think it’s a coincidence. Lately it seems that as soon as I ask about anything the answers come to me. It helps to have a mother that I can go to for information, but I can also see that the Universe is waiting for us to ask of it right now. We just have to be clear about what we want, or what we want to know.

Anyway, so here are my stories. I’ll try to keep them short:

Many years ago I dated a lovely guy with a terrible heroin habit that he was trying to kick. He got clean while we were together, but it was short-lived, although I don’t know where he’s at with that struggle today. At that time he had a lot of trouble sleeping, and would wake from terrible nightmares in which he said he could feel black, shapeless beings trying to pull his soul out of his body. He woke up freaking out all the time and I felt very bad for him, he was genuinely terrified in his sleep.

The other thing that would happen to him is that often, as soon as he drank a shot of hard alcohol, he would become an entirely different person. His face would change into an unrecognizable snarl and he behaved as if he didn’t know any of us. This extremely gentle, soft spoken person would become an uncontrollable maniac that threw himself in front of cabs, picked fights with random strangers, and pushed people out of his way on the street. It was really bizarre and it was so impossible that even his closest friends would leave him stranded rather than risk taking the tasmanian devil into their home.

I asked my mom about it and she said that the years of constant drug use had probably opened him up to a vulnerability to negative energies. This seemed a logical explanation to me. I am in no way implying that he was “possessed”, but there was definitely something “other” going on with him. Suffice to say that romance was short-lived, although I still think he’s (when sober) one of the nicest people I’ve known.

More years after that, I went on one or two dates with another guy on the scene, equally soft spoken and gentle. It went nowhere and we drifted into different crowds and I didn’t ever run into him again. Then I heard from friends that he had developed a crack habit, gotten into santeria, became homeless, and had just gone to jail for strangling his grandfather to death.

Yes, right now you’re envying my innate ability to pick the good ones, aren’t you? It’s a gift. But everyone who knew him was deeply shocked. It was just so strange, especially as in the past he had made it clear that he loved his family. I felt very sad for him and for his family, and I checked around online and found a couple of articles about the crime, but not too much information. I went to bed feeling very sad and wondering how this bizarre turn of events had unfolded. My last thought as I dropped out was of this guy sitting in a cell somewhere.

That night I dreamt that shapeless, almost cartoony black beings were shooting in and out of my body and pulling at me to get me out of my body. I woke up with a start and was so freaked out by how real it felt that I didn’t go to sleep for a long time. The next day I mentioned it to my mother, who told me the same thing, that if this person was doing drugs and in a dark space for a long time, he’s probably opened up to some fucked up things, and my empathetic concentrating on him so hard had brought me a small taste of what was happening with him.

All of that was years ago, but because of my energy vampire blogs and conversations with my mom and friends about this and other issues, I am paying more attention lately to energy and the way it moves through a room.

I went to a show last week and had a really good time. I was very excited to see the band after not seeing them for many years, and was happy to support my friends who play in the band. The music is very heavy, and the crowd is pretty masculine for the most part, not unlike the crowd CSFH used to get actually. We got a lot of meatheads, which makes for fun when you’re onstage, but not so much fun sometimes if you are in the crowd.

There was a pretty good pit going and I stood up on a banquette to get out of the line of fire. I never like being in the middle of mayhem and found a great position to view both the band and the audience from above the fray, and it was pretty interesting.

The majority of the crowd slamming into each other were male (as usual) and were cheerful and not out to harm each other. They pulled people up when they landed on the floor and held each other up when stage-diving. They brought each other beers and shouted along with the choruses and banged into each other happily like your standard dumb dudes at a metal show.

But it got dark. One girl in the crowd stood out because her energy was different. She was obviously drunk, and very aggressive. She led with her fists and purposely hit people while moshing in the crowd. She grabbed onto people’s shirts and pulled them into other people, jarring everyone in the vicinity violently. Her face was a mask of hate and it really did feel like there was a dark energy swirling around her. I could see the others reacting to her attacks in different ways. Some shrugged it off and others looked at her with angry reaction. All decided to leave her alone, it was truly her own trip, but it subtly penetrated the others and the pit got creepily more aggressive.

A light went on in my head and I thought “Oooohhh, this is what we’ve been talking about.” I am watching an “entity” or maybe “pain body” takeover in action. Whatever you want to call it, it is a dark energy taking over someone and dictating their behavior. This energy was emanating off of her so palpably and filling the space around her so completely that it almost seemed strange to me that people continued on with what they were doing rather than stop the entire show to take in what was happening.

I have no doubt in my mind that this girl is different when sober. She might still be an asshole, but with all that alcohol in her she was on auto-pilot. She probably didn’t even remember it all the next day. I am a drinker and have stepped into my own dark territories when under the influence, so I can’t sit back and say I’m any better than her. I probably focused on her right away because I recognized parts of my own self in her behavior.

I don’t have much more to say about it except that I am continuing to think about ways to keep myself clear and focused and protected from that energy, and I find these observances very interesting. I don’t want to give up heavy metal or partying with my friends, but I do want to remain “in it but not of it”. I will keep you posted on the progress and welcome your stories and thoughts as well.

And on a completely random side-note – we saw the Mike Monroe Band play at the Varvatos store in the old CB’s space last night. Thank you John Varvatos, for spending your own money and time to bring great rock shows to New York. This particular one blew everyone in the room away. Mike is in incredible, marathon running form; he never stopped moving and his voice was strong and pitch perfect. He hit his head on a monitor and continued to play the sax, bounce around and belt it out with blood running down his forehead. The band was completely on point – Sami, Ginger, Steve Conte, and a killer new drummer just hit us over the head with it. My voice and ears are blown today. So if you have a chance to see them, run, don’t walk. You won’t be disappointed.

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