Drew.0

DREW: Do you like the boots I bought you?

ME: Yes, they’re gorgeous, thank you. I’m psyched.

DREW: And dinner at Blue Ribbon, that was pretty good, right?

ME: Yes, it was amazing, thank you. I loved it.

DREW: And I’m not hungover, I had two beers at work last night, that’s it.

ME: I know, you seemed very sober when you came in

DREW: And look, I’m cooking things in the microwave on a plate, like you asked me over and over again, instead of on a paper towel.

ME: That is fabulous! Words cannot describe how happy that makes me.

DREW: It’s Drew point 0 for 2012. More awesomeness than ever. 

ME: You were awesome before, but now it looks like you might be perfect.

DREW: I know! I am! I don’t think I can get any better. This is it, I’ve reached my apex as a boyfriend. The sad thing is that I can only go down from here. 

ME: Wow. Well, you’re just going to have to maintain. It’s all about maintenance now, you don’t have to struggle to go up anymore.

DREW: Totally! But it’s exhausting being so good. I need a nap. Which is a shame because I just made the bed.

ME: Perfection does have its price. 

DREW (from the bedroom): Drew point 0, bitches!

Author: Raffaele

Rock and roll juggernaut, writer, muse, animal lover, Cycle Slut from Hell, friend, lover, sister, daughter, nerd, fagwoman, Slytherin, killer queen.

5 thoughts on “Drew.0”

  3. Whoever made Drew.0 better be careful because if this release works well, they're going to get inundated with orders for other customized Husband and Boyfriend.0s!

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  4. I would like to see a copy of your training notes, because yesterday was about as much as I could take…
    a) criticized because I don't fold the laundry correctly
    b) criticized because I don't know what I'm talking about when it comes to the NFL MVP (even though I picked Aaron Rodgers 2 days before the announcement and got an argument)
    c) if I'm not “wrong” about something it's simply because he doesn't really care about the subject.
    d) he doesn't know how to use a telephone (not only personally, but to call PSE&G, call the landlord, call the doctor)
    e) he's a slob (so am I but no where near this level of slovenly)
    f) if my tone of voice- usually dulcet tones, mallifuluous actually- changes, I'm “yellling.”
    e) I think I'm burnt out.

    Thank you Miss Anthrope, I know you won't let me down.

    Love,
    dssgirl

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