Drew (seeing me on the couch hugging the dog): What the hell are you watching? Why does the dog look so bummed out?

Me: “Silk”. This guy’s married to Keira Knightley and he keeps going to Japan to get silk worms but it’s mostly because he’s hot for a Japanese girl.

Drew (rolling his eyes): So he’s cheating on her.

Me: Yes, and now she’s dying.

Drew: Because he’s being punished?

Me: Yes. And look how beautiful she is. She’s floating around the garden in her long gown. She knows, but she’s not saying anything because she loves him so much.

Drew: She’s slowly fading away because he’s been bad, isn’t she?

Me: Yes.

Drew: This is very tragic. No wonder the dog is so upset.

Me: This is what happens when men are bad, Andrew. Now she’s going to die of an unnamed disease that just makes you prettier and he’s going to be left all alone with the knowledge that she was the one he really loved and he fucked it all up.

Drew: Wow. Good thing I’m seeing this, so I learn a lesson.

Me: Yes, yes it is.

Drew: Kleenex?

Me (sniffling): Yes, please.

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