Amateur Writing in 15 Steps

1. Make Coffee.

2. Drink coffee and pore through facebook posts for one hour while ignoring boyfriend as he talks at the back of your head.

3. Say goodbye to boyfriend, reminding him to pick up the laundry while he’s out. Forget to give him money for laundry.

4. Spend another hour looking at facebook and answering emails from friends you already talk to twenty times a day.

5. Time to work! Open up google docs to print out past written book chapters, to be placed in brand new pink binder purchased expressly for purpose of organization.

6. Google chat Ingrid! She’s hilarious! 

7. Look for specific cat video you know Ingrid will love. Get distracted by surprised kitten video which you’ve already seen five hundred times. Still cute!

8. Realize another half hour has passed, back to google docs.

9. Edit a chapter, get pissed off at the shitty person this one is about. Try to remember his last name so you can see if he’s on facebook. Try to find him on facebook with just his first name, no luck.

10. Hungry! Make peanut butter toast and enjoy with dregs of this morning’s coffee while shoving away real time peanut butter-loving cats.

11. Tweet about procrastinating. 

12. Begin edit on another chapter, which reminds you that you need to see if the friend in this one wants to get dinner tomorrow. Send him a text and then check his facebook status to see if he’s still in town.

13. Ooh! People liked that tweet. Spend a half hour on Twitter. What’s Cher talking about these days?

14. Realize it’s 2 pm and you’re still in your underwear.

15. Blog about it.

Author: Raffaele

Rock and roll juggernaut, writer, muse, animal lover, Cycle Slut from Hell, friend, lover, sister, daughter, nerd, fagwoman, Slytherin, killer queen.

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