Boys are Dumb

DREW (flopping into the bed and onto my arm): Ooof. Sorry!

ME (sleepy): What happened, I thought you were determined to come home at 4.

DREW: I did. 

ME: It’s 6 am.

DREW: Is it? How did that happen?

ME: You went to the Phoenix at 4. You sent me a text.

DREW: Oh yeah! I went to the Phoenix. It was a crazy night, I needed to ground myself with those guys. I smoked pot with J—. Did you get my texts?

ME: Yes, I got the one.

DREW: Yeah…*COUGH COUGH COUGH*

ME: Andrew, why did you smoke pot when you’ve been sick for three weeks and you’re just getting over it?

DREW: *COUGH COUGH COUGH*…I didn’t smoke pot.

ME: Yes, you did.

DREW: No, I didn’t.

ME: You just TOLD me you did.

DREW: Ohhhh….I did? *COUGH COUGH COUGH COUGH*

ME: Please go drink a glass of water and take some cough syrup.

DREW (not moving out of the bed) : Oh…Okay. *COUGH COUGH COUGH COUGH*

*COUGH COUGH COUGH COUGH COUGH*

ME: I’m going to kill you when you’re sleeping, you know that right? I’m going to take a pillow and smother you when you pass out and then I’m going to blog the circumstances and no one that knows us will blame me.

DREW: You are such a…*COUGH COUGH COUGH*...buzzkill. Hey, what time is it? Look, the sun’s up already, that’s weird.




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