DREW (flopping into the bed and onto my arm): Ooof. Sorry!
ME (sleepy): What happened, I thought you were determined to come home at 4.
DREW: I did.
ME: It’s 6 am.
DREW: Is it? How did that happen?
ME: You went to the Phoenix at 4. You sent me a text.
DREW: Oh yeah! I went to the Phoenix. It was a crazy night, I needed to ground myself with those guys. I smoked pot with J—. Did you get my texts?
ME: Yes, I got the one.
DREW: Yeah…*COUGH COUGH COUGH*
ME: Andrew, why did you smoke pot when you’ve been sick for three weeks and you’re just getting over it?
DREW: *COUGH COUGH COUGH*…I didn’t smoke pot.
ME: Yes, you did.
DREW: No, I didn’t.
ME: You just TOLD me you did.
DREW: Ohhhh….I did? *COUGH COUGH COUGH COUGH*
ME: Please go drink a glass of water and take some cough syrup.
DREW (not moving out of the bed) : Oh…Okay. *COUGH COUGH COUGH COUGH*
*COUGH COUGH COUGH COUGH COUGH*
ME: I’m going to kill you when you’re sleeping, you know that right? I’m going to take a pillow and smother you when you pass out and then I’m going to blog the circumstances and no one that knows us will blame me.
DREW: You are such a…*COUGH COUGH COUGH*...buzzkill. Hey, what time is it? Look, the sun’s up already, that’s weird.