Holiday Reportage

I had the best night last night!

My good friend and co-worker Joey invited Zoe and I to go dinner with him and some friends at Lips, a restaurant that features a drag show and servers in drag. I had never been there, but Joey is an absolute riot and I’ll go anywhere he asks me. Plus he used to work there as “Paulina” so you know we were gonna get hooked up with some free booze and a good table. 
The lovely Paulina:

Lips is uptown on 56th Street and the cab ride was lovely, because New York City, especially in that area, looks beautiful in December. Everything is covered in lights, the trees and windows, there are giant Christmas trees everywhere and you feel as if you are in a movie. I tried to find a picture for you and just wasted another half an hour noodling around on the internets, although I did find this brilliant blog: Welsh Alien in New York. Once I am done procrastinating on book writing by posting this blog, I’ll procrastinate by reading some of her older posts.
Anyway, back to us: Paulina joined us for dinner in a very sexy little black number and we had an absolute blast. First, the place is GORGEOUS. Pink leopard walls, giant crystal shoe chandeliers. Totally something out of La Cage aux Folles. New York is so funny like that. I do the same things and see the same places over and over when there are a million different interesting places and people available at any time. I love my comfort zone but I also love discovering new comfort zones, especially if they involve drag queens and food.

We pigged out and watched a series of lip synch performance, including one that featured a killer headdress for a Half Breed Cher! I just kept thinking, how do you get that thing in a cab at night?

And me being the rock and roll equivalent of Lucille Ball, I was quickly dragged onstage by a very talented Joan Rivers impersonator for a sort of humiliating and random runway contest designed to entertain and involve all the bachelorettes and birthday girls in the room. Thank God I had a couple in me prior. I have no problem shouting into a microphone, but walking back and forth trying to look cute is not really my forte.

Alas, I did not win. It was a three way tie between a crazy lesbian in rhinestone cowgirl gear, a woman celebrating her 50th birthday, and a very attractive older black gentleman who wanted to do runway with me, but was unceremoniously shoved back in line by Joan. 

It really was fun. And afterward Joan told me that I was gorgeous and looked like a cross between Cher and Dita Von Teese, so you know THAT made my night. Then a group of wasted college kids piled up on our table, because it was closer to the stage, and Paulina almost got in a fistfight with one of them because they wouldn’t leave. She stood up and did some head-weaving and earring removal while I clapped and shouted, “VIOLENCE! VIOLENCE!” like we were all in Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf (as seen below around the 5:00 mark). Dignified to the end.

Luckily the fabulous staff came running and dragged said teenagers back to their rightful place and we retired to the bar where the delightful Frankie Cocktail compared tattoos with Zoe, including one she got during a stint in the Navy.

Zoe, me, Paulina:

After dinner Zoe and I raced to the Best Buy Theater to meet up with Michael Alago at the Life of Agony show. We were extremely late and missed the entire show; Michael had to run out from backstage to get us in the door. As we stood there fussing with the door personnel one mook (of which there are many at a Life of Agony concert) said, “Look at the old whores.” So there went my lovely Dita/Cher compliment! But then two seconds later another meathead grabbed my ass. Ah, one minute you’re on top of the world, the next at the bottom of the heap, only to be flung back up again by a hammy, grubby paw.

Michael ushered us backstage and I met the absolutely lovely Keith Caputo. He was so warm and gracious, and I’m psyched because we’ll both be reading at Zoe’s Ho Ho Ho Holiday Party on Sunday. I can’t wait to hear what he has to say. 

Michael yelled at our handsome friend Alex Dementia for never putting out: “Whaddya think we bring you out for, conversation?” Then as we were leaving he very generously took a portrait of me with his phone. I look a bit older than I’d like in the photo but I love it nonetheless.
Zoe and I retired to Manitoba’s, the bar owned by her and her husband Handsome Dick Manitoba, where we finished off the night with a couple shots of tequila. We tottered to a cab and home, and though my head aches today, I can honestly say the night was well worth the hangover.

Author: Raffaele

Rock and roll juggernaut, writer, muse, animal lover, Cycle Slut from Hell, friend, lover, sister, daughter, nerd, fagwoman, Slytherin, killer queen.

3 thoughts on “Holiday Reportage”

  1. I love your blog, its genius, & now I can turn to it to get a proper review of our nights out!- I had so much fun, & admire the time its takes for you to put this together- you are inspiring! XX


  2. I love that you record our fabulous nights with such detail, & humour. I can re read any time & that makes me so happy- Its was one of our 'always' funny run around nights, that I truly live for- I love My Raff!


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