ME (group text): Come hang with me and Kim tonight at Niagara 7th Street and Avenue A!
B: WHO THE FUCK IS THIS?
Me: It’s Raff, you asshole!
B: 1. HOW THE FUCK WOULD I KNOW THAT?????????? 2. HUH? 3. WHY WOULD YOU TELL ME THE ADDRESS OF NIAGARA WHEN I’VE BEEN THERE SINCE 1983? AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST…I HAVE TO “WORK” THERE AT 10 PM, YOU BIG TITTED BITCH!
Me: Ha!!! Sorry, that was a mini mass text to the chosen few. And goddamnit, stop yelling at me! You’re like Kanye West with the all caps, fer Chrissake.
B: fuck you…ASSHOLE, IT’S THE ONLY WAY I CAN SEE THE LETTERS.
Me: And another thing, why aren’t you keeping my number close to your black heart?
B: CAUSE IT BURNS ME.