…when cranky old rock chicks finally get fed up…
ME: So how are things going with X?
UNNAMED FEMALE FRIEND: You mean Fatso?
UFF: That fucking fat faggot? I’ll tell you how things are going. They’re NOT.
ME: Shit. What happened?
UFF: What do you think happened? He’s a fucking asshole, that’s what happened. I hate him. Those fucking bikers, they think they’re so badass. They’re all a bunch of pussies, that’s why they have to start their little clubs together, they can’t stand alone. I fucking hate him, and I told him so.
ME (laughing): Wow, harsh.
UFF: And then I hit him.
ME: You HIT HIM??? Are you nuts?
UFF: Yeah, I fucking hit him. Fucking faggot. I said, “How dare you lure me back into this bullshit with a promise that it would be different this time, then you TORTURE me again with your shitty behavior!” How DARE he! That is just NOT DIGNIFIED. So I slapped him.
ME: Oh my God. You are KILLING me! Then what happened?
UFF: He told me to never hit him again.
ME: So what did you do?
UFF: I fucking backhanded him with the same hand.
ME: You are completely insane. Weren’t you scared he would hit you back? He’s huge!
UFF (making the meanest face imaginable): I’d love it if he tried. Then I’d really kick his big fat ass.
ME: So I guess it’s over then?
UFF: Yes. Another fabulous relationship down the toilet.
DREW (calling from an attempted nap in the other room): You guys are gonna give me nightmares!