Did you hear me call number 52??

Hallooo good people, and thank you for still caring about what I have to say. I know I remain somewhat amiss with the blogs, it is for a number of really dumb reasons:

Reason #1: Oblivion Elder Scrolls IV on XBox 3. I’m a Breton apprentice mage and currently working on a cure for vampirism before fulfilling all the tasks that get the recommendations I need to join the Arcane University. I bought the frigging thing for Drew because he got such a good boyfriend report card this semester, and yet I am the one who noodles around happily for hours in a magical land, ignoring pets and loved ones, dragging around my sword and spells and occasionally fighting otherworldly beings. I am fully aware that I am far beyond the age that this could be considered a respectable pastime. But there it is: NERD ALERT.

Reason #2: I am nervous about boring anyone any longer with my “I am old, I am fat, no I’m not, I’m beautiful, you’re beautiful, I’m just fine, I don’t give a shit what anyone thinks” ping pong, self-obsessed female mentality. I’m sure I’ll write about it again but we’re all getting a short break in the meantime. I’m also tired of articles decrying overly skinny models and actresses and I don’t want to keep repeating the same posts. Although did you see THIS ONE? Pretty crazy, right? She looks like a mantis, which is kind of cool from a purely visual standpoint. You know, if you ignore the whole creepy, starving thing. Although she does look long-limbed enough to support the claim that it’s natural. See…I’M NOT JUDGING, damn it! At least not for today…

Reason #3: Semi-sobriety. Who knew that devotion to a Saturday afternoon chisel class at Crunch and switching from tequila to beer alone would render me a total bore? The calories that accompany beer suck, and sometimes I miss the Friday night throwdowns but there’s a lot less drama and panty flashing this way. Don’t worry though, summer is nearly here and I portend some old-timey fun. I’m thinking it’s almost time to start the annual mushroom roll around on Mike’s lawn. River, Michael? You hear me? Can we get this party started? How’s the berry??

Reason #4: Bloody Social has been somewhat inactive as of late, which means that, as mentioned in a previous blog, I have not been forced headfirst into the models and bottles scene for some time. My supermodel bff broke up with her guy and moved to LA, so that’s also cut down on the hilarity. I miss that exotic skinned purse full of high grade party favors, but God, I do not miss the excruciatingly painful life lesson that was sitting on the top of a banquette while trust fund douchebags elbowed me in the face and teenage beauty queens in headbands stepped on my feet in a rush to hit on my bf while giving me the side-eye. It’s a miracle I made it through as far as I did without severely hurting myself or someone else, but it did provide much fodder for the blog complaining that has been missing as of late.

Reason #5: Facebook. Wtf? I was highly resistant and now every time I turn on the computer it sucks another hour out of my life. The line is drawn at twitter, however, sorry Alisson!

I do have some rants fomenting in my tiny brain, though, so I’ll get back on it soon, if only for the writing practice. In the meantime I hope everyone is feeling great and psyched that it’s finally getting warm out. Woo hoo!


Author: Raffaele

Rock and roll juggernaut, writer, muse, animal lover, Cycle Slut from Hell, friend, lover, sister, daughter, nerd, fagwoman, Slytherin, killer queen.

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