No Filter When Drinking


JESSE (Ex bf): Raff, this is J—.

ME: Hey!

J.: Hi.

ME (giving her the fisheye): Heeeyy. I know you!

J. Oh?

ME: Didn’t you used to have dark hair?

J.: My hair has been every color.

ME: Yeah. And a mullet, right? Like a hipster mullet?

J.: Mmm…

ME: And you used to be fat.

J. Umm…

ME (pointing at her and then jerking my thumb at Jesse): Oh my God. I TOTALLY remember you.You used to hit on him all the time back in the Coney days.

J.: Errrr…

ME: Yeah! You were relentless! You gave me so much agita. I totally wanted to kill you.

J.: Aaaahhh…

ME: Oh, but it’s cool, we broke up a long time ago. You can hit on him all you want now.

(J runs away)

ME: Wow, she sure moves fast now that she lost all that weight.

JESSE: I think maybe it’s time we get you a bottle of water.

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