JESSE (Ex bf): Raff, this is J—.
ME: Hey!
J.: Hi.
ME (giving her the fisheye): Heeeyy. I know you!
J. Oh?
ME: Didn’t you used to have dark hair?
J.: My hair has been every color.
ME: Yeah. And a mullet, right? Like a hipster mullet?
J.: Mmm…
ME: And you used to be fat.
J. Umm…
ME (pointing at her and then jerking my thumb at Jesse): Oh my God. I TOTALLY remember you.You used to hit on him all the time back in the Coney days.
J.: Errrr…
ME: Yeah! You were relentless! You gave me so much agita. I totally wanted to kill you.
J.: Aaaahhh…
ME: Oh, but it’s cool, we broke up a long time ago. You can hit on him all you want now.
(J runs away)
ME: Wow, she sure moves fast now that she lost all that weight.
JESSE: I think maybe it’s time we get you a bottle of water.
MISS ANTHROPE'S HOUSE OF HIGH DRAMA 