Jesus and Mary

Me: Did you enjoy not picking up? Was that fun? Did you look at the phone and giggle? Were you so busy discussing your extensive knowledge of macabre fiction with a fascinated underaged groupie that you couldn’t pick it up?

Drew: God you’re angry. You need anger management.

Me: More like boyfriend management.

Drew: You bring anger to new heights. You enjoy it. You’re an anger enthusiast.

Me: You make it so easy.

Drew: You’re professionally angry. You need it to focus. Without rage you get all confused. You know what I’m going to do? I’m gonna make a lot of money so I can start telling you to shut the fuck up.

Me: You tell me to shut the fuck up all the time!

Drew: But you don’t do it. Your big fat mouth is constantly open and I don’t have any power to shut it. I’m going to make a ton of money and I’ll have all the power. You’ll have to do what I say or get out. I’ll kick your angry ass right out of the pool, Mary.

Me: Yeah, that’ll work. You think you’ll have it together enough by then to be able to set your phone so it rings properly and you can answer it once in a while?

Drew: Sigh…I am nailed to the cross. No one knows how much I suffer.

Me: Yes, you’re just like Jesus.

Drew: I am.

Me: Only with more tattoos.

Drew: And less power. Dammit, I hate my stupid life and my stupid mean girlfriend.

Me: I know. I’m so sorry, Honey. Life is pain.

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