Me: Did you enjoy not picking up? Was that fun? Did you look at the phone and giggle? Were you so busy discussing your extensive knowledge of macabre fiction with a fascinated underaged groupie that you couldn’t pick it up?
Drew:God you’re angry. You need anger management.
Me:More like boyfriend management.
Drew:You bring anger to new heights. You enjoy it. You’re an anger enthusiast.
Me:You make it so easy.
Drew:You’re professionally angry. You need it to focus. Without rage you get all confused. You know what I’m going to do? I’m gonna make a lot of money so I can start telling you to shut the fuck up.
Me:You tell me to shut the fuck up all the time!
Drew:But you don’t do it. Your big fat mouth is constantly open and I don’t have any power to shut it. I’m going to make a ton of money and I’ll have all the power. You’ll have to do what I say or get out. I’ll kick your angry ass right out of the pool, Mary.
Me:Yeah, that’ll work. You think you’ll have it together enough by then to be able to set your phone so it rings properly and you can answer it once in a while?
Drew:Sigh…I am nailed to the cross. No one knows how much I suffer.
Me:Yes, you’re just like Jesus.
Me:Only with more tattoos.
Drew:And less power. Dammit, I hate my stupid life and my stupid mean girlfriend.
Me:I know. I’m so sorry, Honey. Life is pain.