Just One Stomach Flu from my Goal Weight!

Holy crap!

Thanks to everyone who came to KIM’S Motor sale at Manitoba’s. It was really fun to see friends, she made a little green and it was a good excuse to get her into town and get some HOT JEANS at a discount on my hot friends (and one good top on ALISON that showcases the girls quite nicely!). I think she’ll probably do it again so if you weren’t able to make it this time you’ll have another chance in a few months. Anyone who has worn a pair of her jeans knows that once you get the right pair on you, you want to wear them every day.

Afterwards we went out to dinner and I did something really dumb and ordered a steak. Kim and I love to pig out and I guess I felt a little retro and figured one time wouldn’t destroy the world. Ha! I was also drunk on red wine, so that probably didn’t help me to remember that my system can’t handle a whole meal of meat now. I can have a bite here or there, but once you stop eating it regularly your body shifts.

Fast forward to an hour later and I’m feeling a little queasy, especially after a shot of tequila with MORGAN (red wine, dead flesh, tequila—yippee!). Kim wanted to go visit JESSE at NIAGARA and see the new pizza joint they’re putting together next door (cute!), and since she rarely gets to NYC I agreed, stomach roiling. As soon as we got there I knew I had to leave. It sucked: two of my closest people who I rarely get to see in one room with a whole Friday night stretched out before us, and all I could think about was getting home.

I threw up the entire meal as soon as I walked into my apt. And so it began—20 minutes of rolling around on the bed in agony then a trip to the bathroom for some more retching, 20 minutes of suffering, 5 minutes of painful dry heaving, over and over and over again. Kim arrived home, looking beautiful and carrying roses, and promptly passed out from the copious amounts of vodka Jesse had been handing her.

And thank God for that because the procedure repeated until 6 am, by which time I was weeping into the toilet with exhaustion and pain. I wanted to call Drew (who was working) to sob about my suffering, but didn’t have the energy to dial. I don’t know how it’s happened but I’ve come to depend upon him to be there to say things like, “Don’t order meat, Mary. It’s gonna make you sick.” and then be there to pick up the pieces when I ignore his advice.

Then…other stuff started happening. Awful stuff. My body just wanted everything out, so now it was 10 minutes in the bed in stomach-twisting agony interspersed with running to the bathroom. This went on until 1 pm, by which time I was so exhausted I couldn’t get out of bed. Luckily Kim had a nice hangover so she was happy to stay horizontal too, and we laid there cackling like hens over her latest dating adventures. Even though I was physically ruined, it was nice to have her around.

We spent the rest of the afternoon in bed and then watched a movie (THE AWFUL TRUTH) and I helped her get all her stuff to her car. We took a cab to the parking lot and I stood on the street with tangled hair, in pajamas and giant furry slippers. I just didn’t give a shit, it was nice enough to be able to stand.

So I know this isn’t a terribly interesting or funny blog but I posted that I had food poisoning in my status update and a few people sent me really nice get well notes, so I thought I’d let you know that I’m recovering from a little detour on the roller coaster ride to hell. January’s been brutal so far, but my mood is good and hopefully I’m done with the suffering for the year.


While typing out the details of my poisoned journey I had the TV on a documentary on MSNBC about child trafficking in Cambodia. Most of us know this goes on pretty regularly in many Asian countries, but to see actual film of the children is heartbreaking. Crowds of beautiful babies—5, 8, 10, 12 years old, looking shy and talking about “yum-yum” and “boom-boom”, and the smiling women and men who look so normal and friendly as they lead American and European tourists into dark rooms where these children live and “work”. It’s so tragic and horrible that it doesn’t seem real.

I don’t have too much to tell you about it because I don’t know enough to spout like an expert, but I did look into the aid organization documented on this particular show. They’re called the INTERNATIONAL JUSTICE MISSION and if anyone is interested in more information or in donating, they can start there. I usually stick to animal rights causes but after watching the documentary I feel like I’d like to put some money here as well. As bad as our political and financial climate is at the moment, we are still so fortunate to live where we do.

All right, gonna put on my awesome new jeans and shuffle to the grocery store for more soup. Life is grand when you’re not crying into a toilet!

Author: Raffaele

Rock and roll juggernaut, writer, muse, animal lover, Cycle Slut from Hell, friend, lover, sister, daughter, nerd, fagwoman, Slytherin, killer queen.

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