Quality Time with Friends

P.:  I need coke.

Me: You don’t need coke.

P.:  I do, I do need coke. I totally need coke and I need it right now.

Me:  You’re not doing coke! Don’t be an idiot.

P:  Goddamnit, just one line! You bitch, I know you know where to get it!

Me:  No! I hate coke, I’m not getting it and you’re not doing it.

P. (grabbing me by the shirt and shoving his face into mine):  Please, please, PLEASE!!!!

Me (slapping him across the face):  Snap out of it, you big mary! You’re not doing any coke!!

Pause…

P. (visibly calmer, mouth wide open in shock):  Oh my God, that was amazing. I love you.

Me:  I love you too. Now sip your damn drink.

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